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zokster's picture
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blue's picture

Old is but Good is

If men wrote advice columns

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best
friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your
skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity
training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex
should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep
without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

Author Unknown

Slavujka's picture

Author Unknown ? HM

SL
Ja bi reko Blue, da bar 4 od prisutnih, i 4 od gostiju moze odmah da preuzme autorska prava.

blue's picture

do q.

i ne primecujem bas da bi mogli.
al nek uzNu.

Slavujka's picture

Do Kurda

SL
Recimo ovaj deo : cek da prebrojim 6 prisutnih sigurno, i barem 8 od gostiju
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity
training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex
should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

malena's picture

srecna, nije li?

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maryjane's picture

predbračni ugovor ;))

Ja, dole potpisana, prihvatam da...

1) U malo verovatnoj situaciji da ne svrsim kada se pijan strovalis na mene i pumpas me pet minuta (sisteci pri tom kao neki matori astmaticar), ljubazno cu odglumiti orgazam. I to na vrlo uverljiv nacin, uzdisuci "Kakvo dobro tucanje" i sl., i zavijajuci kao macka u februaru.

2) Ako mi Tvoja majka pokaze neke slike iz Tvog detinjstva, kao one sa tetkinih svadbi na kojima si uredno zalizan kao da su Te krave lizale, necu to nikako komentarisati. Nikada. Niti cu Te gledati tako da se na bilo koji nacin shvati da su slike zivi pis.

3) U potpunosti se slazem da je zenina primarna uloga da bude kriva. Prema tome, kad razvalis palac o deo namestaja, ili Tvoj tim izgubi utakmicu, prihvatam da - po nekoj kompleksnoj naucnoj formuli nedokucivoj za zenski mozak - to bude moja krivica. Cak iako nisam bila prisutna.

4) Kad god budem caskala sa svojim prijateljicama, pricacu im sa strahopostovanjem kako si pravi pastuv u krevetu, sa "alatkom" abnormalnih dimenzija.

5) Spominjacu to podjednako i Tvojim prijateljima. Stalno.

6) Posle tucanja (o kojem se nikada necu izrazavati kao o "vodjenju ljubavi") necu ocekivati niti traziti da me mazis i milujes satima dok Ti ruka ne otpadne. Niti cu dozvoliti da Ti moja kosa na bilo koji nacin zagolica lice.

7) Apsolutno nikad necu tepati Tvom penisu.

8) U krevetu cu biti apsolutno prilagodljiva da isprobam svaku pozu koja Ti padne na pamet. Narocito one gde ja sve radim a Ti samo lezis i ceris se.

9) Nemilosrdno cu ispitati sve svoje zgodne drugarice i izvestiti Te da li neka od njih pokazuje i najmanju biseksualnu zainteresovanost. Onda cu ih pozvati kod nas na sedeljku... I sakriti im kljuceve od kola tako da moraju da prenoce kod nas.

10) Nakon sto raskinemo, nikada necu spavati ni sa jednim od Tvojih drugova ili kolega. Niti sa bilo kim drugim koga poznajes. Ili ces eventualno upoznati jednog dana. Uopste, ako neki muskarac i pokusa da mi pridje, svecano cu mu izjaviti da su mi, nakon Tebe, svi drugi muskarci nezanimljivi.

11) Potpuno prihvatam cinjenicu da su mehanicki objekti kao kola, kompjuterske igre i daljinski upravljaci, iznad skromnih mentalnih moci zene. Ispala bih smesna u pokusaju da ih koristim, pa to prepustam Tebi do mile volje. Sa izuzetkom pegle i masine za pranje vesa, naravno.

Potpis: _____________________

Datum: _____________________

E, pa devojke da vas vidim... :)))))))))

][_, ([]) ][_, breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

bravar's picture

bez naslova

E, *ebiga, ja zakasnila:-)))

malena's picture

bravar wrote: E, *ebiga, ja

bravar wrote:

E, *ebiga, ja zakasnila:-)))

LOL :))))

bravar's picture

bez naslova

A, jel ovo pisala neka iskusna zena sa dobrim godinama bracnog staza kao preporuku uspesnog mraka?

Kad malo bolje razmislim, ovo mi vise lici na preporuku devojkama, nego na:-)

maryjane's picture

autor

bravar wrote:

A, jel ovo pisala neka iskusna zena sa dobrim godinama bracnog staza kao preporuku uspesnog mraka?

Kad malo bolje razmislim, ovo mi vise lici na preporuku devojkama, nego na:-)

nije poznat...što bi rekli..iz naroda :))

bravar's picture

bez naslova

konspiracijski rad vise zivuljki zenskoga roda - moze biti.

HCM's picture

Pusti devojke.... nego,

Pusti devojke....
nego, hoces li da se udas za mene?
:)

maryjane's picture

hahaha

Kome ti to, malenoj il' meni ???
Pa ti znaš da si ti moja ljubav najveća...

HCM's picture

Nemoj sad da se vadis nego

Nemoj sad da se vadis nego potpisuj:)

maryjane's picture

dobro, dobro

mmmmmmmm, moram prvo malo da te mučim..
Ti to voliš ..
Pa onda idemo na potpisivanje :))

Pauli's picture

Ovo moram da kopiram, pa da

Ovo moram da kopiram, pa da pokazem mojoj zeni... Ko zna, mozda se primi :)

maryjane's picture

Aristokle

Aristokle wrote:

Ovo moram da kopiram, pa da pokazem mojoj zeni... Ko zna, mozda se primi :)

ili će se primiti, il' ćeš ti primiti direkt ;D

Pauli's picture

Ma kakvi, Maryjane, to se ja

Ma kakvi, Maryjane, to se ja samo salim... Papucic sam, inace.

"Da, draga". :)

maryjane's picture

uuuhhh

ako, ako...nije to sramota :))
ahahahaha

Pauli's picture

Cudno... I moja zena misli

Cudno... I moja zena misli da to nije sramota... :)

bravar's picture

bez naslova

Tvoja zena je jedna veoma pametna, mlada dama:-)

malena's picture

pre popisivanja treba znati i ovo

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Slavujka's picture

My Girl

SL

Skromno dodajem, da bi u ovu listu pozeljnih prioriteta [Predbracni Ugovor by Maryjane], kod odabira moglo da se doda :

- 11 / 1 ] Vozim space ship u rikverc ….

- 12 ] Svi gornji navodi vaze od momenta potpisivanja, do momenta 3-ce reinkarnacije

- 13 ] Kada njegovi prijatelji dolaze na rucak ili veceru, posluzivacu jelo iskljucivo u mantiji

- 14 ] Imaoc dokumenta moze traziti I dopunske izmene koje idu iskljucivo I jedino u njegovu korist

MY GIRL

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